clivaceous

Sunday, January 31, 2010

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I have to be grateful for and how lucky I am to be where I am in life and have three great kids and an amazing husband, and such supportive friends and family. The other night Eryn and Robyn and I were talking about our recent attitude adjustments and finding that we were happier than we realized. I had just seen this video on my cousin-in-law's blog and it came to mind when our discussion turned to how easy it is to get bogged down when, as a full time mom you don't recieve the kind of constant feedback that an employed person does. All your efforts are either swallowed up in your child's choices (efforts of disciplining and teaching) or undone within hours (efforts such as laundry and dishes). But this video is a nice reminder that that's not what matters. I don't need appreciation. I need to do the work that will further the Lord's work. And that is motherhood.

I've also been thinking a lot about this quote by C.S. Lewis (gotta love that guy) that I read on Amy's blog:

"The load, or weight, or burden of my neighbor's glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken. It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship.... It is in light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendship, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with , marry, snub, and exploit... Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, our neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses."

In conjunction with these lyrics of an Alanis Morissette song called "That I would be Good":

that i would be good even if i did nothing

that i would be good even if i got the thumbs down

that i would be good if i got and stayed sick

that i would be good even if i gained ten pounds

that i would be fine even if i went bankrupt

that i would be good if i lost my hair and my youth

that i would be great if i was no longer queen

that i would be grand if i was not all knowing

that i would be loved even when i numb myself

that i would be good even when i'm overwhelmed

that i would be loved even when i was fuming

that i would be good even if i was clingy

that i would be good even if i lost sanity

that i would be good whether with or without you

The interpretation may seem obvious to you. I've thought about these words for a long time. I used to imagine her singing to a negligent boyfriend. Now I imagine her singing to her parents, or maybe the parents of the world. The full sentence is, "I need to learn from you that my worth does not hinge upon any external factors. I need to know that I would be good..."

I feel a real responsibility to let my children feel ths is true of them, so that they can understand the real worth of their soul and the souls of all those around them.

I also think maybe she's just telling herself. Do I need to remind myself that my worth does not hinge on whether or not I get the dishes done in a timely manner? On how much more rowdy my kids are than some others? Or that my clothes don't quite fit the way they should? Maybe.

Do with this what you will. Just thought I'd share my thoughts.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I'm A REAL Girl!

For our entire 5 1/2 years of marriage, Spencer and I have constantly been working toward, planning for, anticipating the day when we would be "real people". It didn't come when we graduated BYU, or when we had our first baby, our second, or our third. It didn't come when we became financially independent, or when we planned and paid for our first real family vacation... Everything we have done has been in preparation for graduating Grad School and starting the rest of our lives. I can't emphasize enough that all of our lives and plans have led to the great mystery of what comes after grad school.

Okay, he didn't graduate yet, it would be a weird time of year for that, don't you think? But yesterday (last friday) my husband who has a fear of career-commitment (hence his love for consulting, which puts you on different types of projects every few months) finally committed to a full-time post-MBA job, which means we know where we are beginning the rest of our lives!

And that place is.....

dun dun dun....

dun... dun.. dun....

Bentonville, Arkansas!

Of all the places that we considered, imagined for all these years... Bentonville Arkansas was not one of them.

Many of you may know already that Bentonville is the birthplace of Walmart and is where the company is still headquartered. Yes, my husband will be working for the "Behemoth of Bentonville"! Oh, sure, people have a lot of bad things to say about Walmart but I have always loved it. To me it stinketh not.

We're very very excited about this great opportunity for Spencer to work at this great company and also the opportunity for our family to live in Bentonville. We got to go see Bentonville quickly last month as we considered our options and really, I loved it. It's small. Spanish Forkish, for my fellow Utah-countyers. And then there are a few Provo-ish sized "suburbs". But we liked Bentonville proper and will be looking there for housing.

After accepting, Spencer came out of the room and tossed chocolates all over the place in celebratory fashion. The girls caught on to the excitement and stuffed their faces.

Yay, Spencer! I'm so excited for him and proud of him and grateful for him. He has made a lot of sacrifices for me and my sanity over the years and is the only reason I'm not checked in to an instution right now. And inspite of all the family demands he's had he still managed to rock his interviews and get a great job in a place where the kids will be safe, have great schools, we'll be so close to the office, etc.

I am so so so so excited. I have been watching every episode of HGTV's "my first place", to try to warm up for house hunting. It's all I can think about. Arkansas! Who knew?

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Layla is getting cuter every day.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

And I quote...

Try to guess which ever-innocent little 3 year old said this:

"Three is too many kids...maybe we should get rid of Campbell."

It's the same girl who said this: "NO, Dad. And don't ARG ME!"

"'ARG' You? 'ARG' You? ... Oh... Argue."

And who had this discussion tonight at family night with her desperately bewildered father (bewildered at what to do with a three year old who will absolutely not be told what to do), after a dinner scene wherein Cadence refused to acknowledge that Dad had called on her for prayer and proceeded to call on me and then throw a fit when we told her it was her turn--an all too daily occurrence around here:

"Cadence, there is a new sherriff in town--do you know what that means? The Sherriff is in charge of the rules and decides what happens when the rules get broken--who do you think are the two sherriffs?"

"Um...You (dad) and me! And Layla."

"Nope. Who is in charge?"

"Me! And you."

"Nope. It's not you. Who is in charge?"

"Me! And you and mom."

"Cadence, whose job is it to decide if Campbell has to go to time out?"

"Mine."

We arged about this for a long time. I don't recall a settlement. I think the family night lesson about sherriffs really is going to work... yup, I can smell a change in the winds...or not.

Friday, January 8, 2010

The Cure and The Dillemma

Vignette #1: The Cure for the Common Faker

Cadence loves medicine. She sneaks cough drops, she fakes fevers, and pays very close attention to who gets medicine for what ailment. A while ago she found that all she had to do was throw up in church to be rewarded with some yummy tums, or "The medicine that crunches". Since then she's been faking tummy aches quite often. I've been worried for some time about this medicine fetish, and I'm always worried that I'm reading her wrong--maybe she really DOES have symptoms and I'm not taking care of them? If I start being sneaky about medicine whenever somebody else gets it, will she start to be sneaky, too? How long until she starts trying to climb up to the medicine cabinet?

And then the other night I cured it. I had to go in and give Campbell some Tylenol (poor girl is getting molars), and that reminded Cadence that she had a tummy ache and needed medicine. So I came back with a medicine cup of straight lemon juice. GENIUS! I felt mean and asked Spencer if it was one of those things that falls in the "bad parenting" bucket. His answer was that I was "awesome". I wish I had more than a mental snapshot of her face...classic.

The next night it was the same story. Exactly.

And then tonight she said to me, "Mom, I have a tummy ache..." (Which I believe she may have actually had this time), and then thinking it over she slowly said, "but, actually I don't need any medicine!"

Problem solved.

Vignette #2: Cadence's Dilemma

Cadence knows that there is a strictly enforced rule that she is not to get out of bed once she is down for the night. This has been a real problem for us, so we've tried every way possible to keep her to stay in bed. She loses bed-time privileges--"blanky with balls", the closet light, the door gets closed...

Tonight after she had been down for at least 30 minutes, she came into the room where I was feeding Layla.

"Mom," she said, "A cup fell out of my bed."

"Well, can you just pick it up yourself?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't get out of my bed."

Hmmm.... she finally grasps the rule of no getting out of bed. I guess things around here aren't as white/black as Spencer and I expect them to be.

I can't look at this picture without the song, "Richest Man On Earth" popping into my head and remembering when my dad told me he was that, because of his family. I believed him, by the way (that he was actually that rich. He was not :) ).

Anyway, this daddy loves his girls.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Holiday Catch-Up

This year the holidays were totally unique for the Clive family. Not only did we have a brand new member, making us a family of 5, but for once we didn't travel to be with families but had our own Christmas in our own apartment. And, Spencer was able to be with us 100%--a nice long break from school, no applications to prepare, no interviews, just family. It was so wonderful!

Our first Christmas Tree (*with the exception

of one Charlie Brown tree in Walnut Creek that

we only had for a week or so before we left town

for Christmas.)

Not a bad decorating job from the Spencer/

Cadence Task Force.

We missed our families very much, but considering that we were (and are) still adjusting to having a new baby around, it was really nice to just be at home.

This tree-topper/heart-stopper
of a star was one I purchased when I

was probably 17 from Christmas World (Sprinkler World's alter ego) where I worked for 6 years as a youth. I have loved it and cherished it and waited for the day it would finally shine for my own family.

I love this star.

Museum of Science and Industry.

Cutest Mary and Joseph EVER. On Christmas Eve we went to some friends' home and celebrated together. It was a lovely evening and so fun to do the nativity, even though it was about 1.5 minutes long and still too long for the kids to pay attention to.

Campbell played the all-important role of "star". She has a pretty commanding presence so I thought the role fit her well.

Above: Mary and the Star tend to Baby Jesus (Layla) in the manger/videographer (Mardee).

Right: Christmas Morning! Cadence was so glad to see that Santa ate the cookies and drank the sparkling cider. We enjoyed toasted panettone (next year we'll warm, not toast it), got ready, and then finally got to go see if Santa came. The girls were really excited and of course Cadence directed the present opening.

The week after Christmas we went with some friends to Nauvoo and stayed at a log cabin/lodge with all three families: Olivers, Hutchisons, and Clives:

Visiting Nauvoo in the winter really paints a more clear picture of how hard it must have been for the Saints to leave. We all know they loved the city, but it is CO-O-OLD and dreary there. I can't imagine loading up a few things in a covered wagon and heading into the great unknown, knowing that we would never return to the city we built and loved. It sort of breaks my heart.

We had a lot of fun with our friends and Cadence wanted to "live with Jacob and Simon for even more days".

Funny note about that. Simon's dad Jeff is a really mild and nice guy. For some reason Cadence is very afraid of him. As we drove into Nauvoo she said to us, "Okay--Mom and Dad: promise you won't let Jeff talk to me?" She was so serious. Jeff did talk to her and she survived. :)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Layla's First Photo Shoot

I told you she was cute.

To the right: With April, Spencer's mom.

If Campbell is allowed to be near the baby,

this is inevitably how they are found:

My friend Lisa did these photos for us last weekend. April wanted to get pictures done with all her granddaughters, so Lisa obliged us and did a terrific job! I highly recommend her to all of my fellow hyde parkers. Thanks, Lisa--I love all of the pictures (and I know I still owe you $$).