When Layla gets frustrated in anyway, she immediately attacks with her mouth. Her mouth leads her whole body in a brisk search for something to bite. It's hilarious. Well, only when it doesn't land on somebody and bite them. Except sometimes I still laugh when it lands on her own arm or shoe or something.
The other day Cadence and I had this conversation (some of you saw this on facebook already):
Cadence: Mom, can I take this rock (found in parking lot which we were walking through) home?
Mom: Sure.
Cadence: You're the best, Mom!
Mom: Oh, thanks!
Cadence: and the prettiest! (nuzzles her cheek up to my hand as we walk)
Mom: Thank you!
Cadence: And that really means something, because most days I don't even like you!
Mom: (ahem!) thanks?
And tonight, as we left a friend's house, and she was not happy about leaving, she said this to me:
"Mom, I almost just told you that you are THE MEANEST MOM OF ALL."
Me: "Oh..." Not sure how to respond to that, actually...
Cadence: "And then I was also about to say to you that I HATE YOU, but I didn't."
I was laughing to myself because I have a conversation like this with Spencer all the time:
Me: *innocently comments on something harmless to my husband*
Spencer: *opens his mouth to speak and then doesn't*
Me: *looks inquisitively at him*
Spencer: "Oh, man. I was about to say something that would make you so mad! But I didn't. Good job, me. Okay, wanna know? Oh, you do too!" *Says it anyway, gets punched in the arm*
Yesterday I took Campbell and Cadence with me to visit a friend from church. As we talked, I noticed a strange calm and my spider senses were tingling like crazy. I stood up and ran around the whole house looking for Campbell. I ran outside and couldn't find her. I told Cadence to open every door in the house and yell campbell's name as loud as she could. Then the three adults ran around the neighborhood looking. I was panicking. Bad guys, cars, ditches, pools, mean dogs, my mind was racing. Saeng found her 4 houses down in the back yard on a little swingset back there! Ah! My heart was about to explode.
she was so angry when I took her away from the swingset that she screamed the whole way and as I buckled her into her carseat she scratched my arm up pretty bad. and lectured her over and over again about why that was not acceptable. After a couple go-rounds of the what-fer, she said in an emotionally heavy, quieted (so unusual) tone, "But Mom, don't you love me?" and I got right in her face and told her that I loved her and that was why I was so worried about her. Her reply was in a much more assertive tone: "But I DON"T LIKE YOU." Oh, thank you for clearing that up.
Recently at dinner Cadence pointed to herself and then to me and said "We're the moms." Uh, huh. WE are, huh? This makes a lot of sense out of our major power clashes then. Then she said, "Campbell and Daddy are the Dads." Oh, why is Cam a Dad and not a Mom? "Because she's a BOY." I asked Campbell if she was a boy or a girl. Campbell answered quite confidently "BOY!" Okay, well, at least for once they are getting along!
AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I feel like I'm surrounded by drama, emotion, shouts of accusations (It's YOUR fault that I'm yelling at you because you were talking mean to me!!!! YOU DON"T LIKE ME because I chose this outfit!!! etc.) Any tips on simmering down the drama around here?
At least they are getting plenty of practice expressing their feelings. It's never too early for that :)
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Per Melanie's comment: I don't just think of when Dad would puff his chest up and smile maliciously at the accusation of being a mean parent, I actually FEEL that way!! For better or for worse, Dad's words come through me like they are mine, "I LOOOOOVE being mean!"
and per Caitlin: I basically do tell Cadence that if I were always nice she would grow up to be a lame adult. but I haven't been that specific. Maybe I should! :)
9 comments:
Within the last week I've gotten my first "I don't like you" and "You're a mean mom" from Cora. I wish I had advice, but I also find myself with nothing to say when the drama gets going.
Oh, your kids. I miss them. Emotional and physical roller coasters though they are!
CONGRATULATIONS ON PUBLISHING THE FIRST CANDID, REAL-LIFE POST I'VE SEEN ON A MOMMY BLOG.
I have some advice, I guess: You and Spencer are the gold standard for parenting that I've personally seen. You are the kind of mother I aspire to be. Next time your kids tell you that you're not a nice mom, you should tell them that if you were a nice mom, they'd all be on drugs in high school, and pregnant.
When my boys used to say that they wished they had a different mom I would tell them that I'm sure the (scary) neighbor mom would be happy to take them in. It always shut them up.
They don't fall for it anymore though. I wish I had known what thick skin I was going to need in order to be a mother. Maybe I would have hung out with the stoners in high school or moved myself in to a really horrible apartment at college with mental roommates just to toughen myself up a bit and to learn how to defend myself. The only thing I know how to do is spank and sulk. What I really should've done is watch grandma Orton more. She knew how to let it roll off her back. ( I think)
Remember when Dad would get all puffed up and proud when we called him mean? He'd say, "Thank you!" with such a big...evil smile on his face. Try that.
If that doesn't work, just show them what an actual mean mom would be like. Come to think of it, Dad did that too.. :)
I cannot wait to see these little crazens.
Be proud to be mean. It's the only way to be a good mom.
(oh, and unexpectedly leaving the culprit out of a spontaneous outing to get ice cream because you really can't trust them to keep their emotions under control and say nice things works, too...eventually - but be prepared for some major up-front rebellion)
Good luck, Mardee. You're doing a fabulous job!
My girls are both getting into the fighting and yelling at me and back talking, my goodness do we have teenagers already? I get the best advice from my sister who is doing all sorts of reading and getting GREAT advice from diff resources and she has told me the BEST thing to do with this situation, and actually it works w almost EVERY situation..give them three chances, say "thats one" VERY calmly, dont let them kno it bugs at all, give NO reaction, then two, then on three take away the toy they are fighting over, or put them in time out ect. UNLESS its physical, hittin, kicking (biting they get hot sauce on tongue:) then they go STRAIGHT to time out, no exceptions, I am not kiddin her kids listen to her really well and hardly give attitude! Mine are startin to get it LOL, but it really does work I can tell! also for like bedtime, they in room playin, tell them "thats one" (tell them the ending result if they get to three like they get there fav toy taken away) you have to be SO strong, its hard! But seriously works, and after time out just say "that was sad" and give them hug. no need explaining why they were put there, esp if it situation that had been explained many countless times, they know why they in time out. I got so tired of explaining for nothing! Esp when they throwin tantrum-it is pointelss. seriously try it out I love that tips like this really work wonders, I swear my sister is a 'toddler whisperer' :)
I'm in the same boat with my 4 year old princess. Today we really had a power struggle over cleaning up her toys, and then again about her eating her dinner. Everyone tells me if I allow the back-talk now it'll be worse as she gets older and I have to assert myself. I don't like getting so, so mean but it happens, that's for sure. I've heard the same method of 1, 2, and 3 = timeout before and it sounds great, but I can never seems to make it work. I guess I have to be more consistent. Lynnea has recently told me as she storms up the steps "YOU STUPID MOM" . . .you're definitely not alone.
Hahaha this was rad. Jude is right at the nasty phase and Silas needs to be held and put down at the same time. He can't make up his mind. And they're all emotionally abusive.
We must be doing something right!
We're kindred spirits, I tell you. Go buy your wig and entertain yourself! Take lots of pics!
Love you mardee!
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