The World According to a Kindergartener

Excerpt from Spencer's Journal:

Cadence started Kindergarten in the middle of Mardee's sick days, which left me with no time to document her first impressions until now.  She was obsessed with the "cafeteria" (she will correct you if you call it a lunch room), and was convinced that by the end of the first week of school she was the world's foremost expert on the subject. After asking her how her first day of school went, 90% of her answer was details about the cafeteria including the fact that the kids had their choice of Pasta or Hamburgers, and that 9 kids chose pasta while only 2 chose Hamburgers.  She explained with excitement about how kids would have to walk in a line holding their trays with TWO hands so it wouldn't spill.  Note: Cadence brought a packed lunch, and was only an amazed observer for the phenomena that occured in the cafeteria.  By the end of the first week she was insisting that the food in the cafeteria was free, and was rejecting our underinformed argument that it was cheaper to pack a lunch. 

A couple weeks ago I made the time to go eat lunch with her (at 10:30AM!), and everything became much more clear.  First off... school teachers are geniuses and have figured out great systems for controlling an army of kids who are inept at following simple instructions at home.  All the kids wear these colorful lamenated crowns to distinguish who their teacher is and where they should sit.  These crowns also have their name and a 6 digit account number.  When I showed up, Cadence was in the middle of eating her Lunchables creation... 7 slices of cheese stacked between two crackers (see picture below).  It was inspirational.  She was also drinking a carton of chocolate milk, which oddly, I did not pack for her.  I asked about it, and she immediately retorted that it is free and all the kids can get milk.  I was thinking something about our taxes being hard at work to give kids chocolate milk, when she quickly started giving me orders on what I needed to do to get the cafeteria food.  She led me to the line, showed me where to get my tray, started to instruct me on which combinations of food were allowed (1 vegetable dish and a fruit dish, or two of either kind, etc), and showed me where to get the chocolate milk.  As I walked out, a lunch lady at the register asked if I just wanted to put it on Cadence's account.  Sure, I replied.  She glanced at Cadence's headband and punched in her account number as Cadence was just walking by.  Bingo.  I figured out their game.  It's like tatooing credit card numbers to five year old's foreheads and allowing them to do all the shopping they want without thinking they are spending money.  Cadence and I thoroughly enjoyed our lunch.  She really enjoyed excusing herself from the table of her friends because she had to go eat lunch with her dad, and walked me over to a mostly empty table where a few other parents were having lunch with their kids.  She was glowing.

School has been a great boost for Cadence's responsibility. She is much more independent about many of the daily routine things.  She is great about getting herself ready now, but it was not always so easy.  Within the first month and a half she was tardee about 11 times.  We actually got a note home saying that if she continued to be tardee that we would be reported for a case study with Child Protective Services.  We told Cadence that if she was on time every day of the week, then on Fridays she could buy lunch from the cafeteria.  It was like a miracle.  I don't think she has been tardee since.

One of the main reasons for Cadence being tardee is her insistance on how she has to look.  Even before Cadence started school she has been known to say things like "I have more fun at parties when I'm the prettiest one there."  That has set alarms off in both Mardee and I, as neither of us were raised in environments where that would fly.  Cadence would not wear anything that was not a dress, and insisted on cute open-toed shoes.  Several times I would give her specific instructions on what shoes to wear after serving her breakfast, and after I'd get back from taking a shower she would be wearing exactly the opposite and claim she forgot.  As I'd drive her to school she would talk about how the boys at school were "judging her" by saying she is not pretty, and was clearly on a mission to prove them wrong every day.  Since she realized how much that was making her tardee, and since it has cooled down a bit, she has been more amenable to a broader wardrobe selection which includes pants. 

On a recent Saturday, we mentioned we were going to go bowling as a family activity and she lost it.  She insisted she didn't like bowling because they make you wear bowling shoes, and bowling shoes don't look good with any of her outfits.  Every other time she has gone bowling, she has had a great time, so this didn't make sense.  In a great parenting moment, I told her that whether or not she has a good time depends way more on her attitude than on how she looks.  I gave her two options: 1) she could put on her prettiest clothes and go to bed, or 2) she could put on ugly clothes and we could go have a good time.  She put on the "ugly" clothes (which were just workout shorts and a plain T-Shirt), and off we went.  We went to Fast Lanes, but upon realizing that it would cost $30 for our family to bowl and that it wouldn't retain our kids' attention for more than 15 minutes we left... but not before Cadence zipped around their track on a go-cart.  We went to Chuck E Cheese where the kids had a great time and Cadence ran into a friend from school who was celebrating her birthday.  We were assimilated into the birthday party group and Cadence had a fantastic time.  It was a great object lesson in how important the attitude is, and how little your looks make a difference in whether or not you can have fun.

Speaking of great parenting moments, a couple weeks ago we were driving and Cadence was insisting that she knew something better than Mardee did and that Mardee was wrong.  Cadence relishes it when she can claim her mom is wrong.  I stop her in her tracks every time.  This time, though, Cadence took it a step farther and mentioned that she knows more than Mardee does because she is smarter than her.  I stopped her politely and said, "Cadence, let's see about that.  We'll have a quiz.  Cadence, what is 20 divided by 4?" 
Cadence - 7?
Me - EERRRR (incorrect buzzer sound).  Mardee? 20 divided by 4?
Mardee - 5.
Me - Correct!

I asked a couple other questions which Cadence would not know, and Mardee got right.  After the third question Cadence was crying that she was wrong after all three and I said, "See, Mom does know more than you because she is 29 and has learned everything from first grade, second grade, all the way through high school and college.  You will know all those things too after you go through those classes."  Cadence was bawling, "It's not nice to say other people are smarter than you!"  Me - Then don't say that to other people.  Also, you should know that you can trust your mom because she is very smart and knows a lot.  Mardee and I were pretty proud of that little seemingly abusive parenting moment.

Finally I wanted to share about Cadence's class where she learned about drugs.  Why any 5 year old in Bentonville, AR needs to know about drugs is beyond me, but sure enough, Cadence came home last Monday having learned about drugs.  Mardee and I were really curious what she learned so we had her give the family night lesson about it.  She said, "Drugs are VERY bad things you do. Worse than not sharing. Stealing is a kind of doing drugs. Uh oh dad... I think Luke Skywalker does drugs because he cuts people's arms off!" It was funny. We tried explaining them to her a couple other times, but she still didn't seem to get it. That's fine by me.  On a sidenote, I've been having a great time with the kids over the past 3 weeks watching bits of the Star Wars movies with them.  Cadence is getting to a new stage where she is not interested in the little kid shows anymore (Caillou, Super Why, etc).  It is fun for me to relive my childhood with them by showing some movies that left a big impression on me as a kid, and are more entertaining the Barbie's 12 Dancing Princesses for me.  Not to mention that Princess Leia 1) doesn't care what she looks like 2) has a can do, brave attitude, and 3) is tough as nails.  A much better example for the girls than Barbie in my view.

This week Mardee went to a parent-teacher conference with Mrs. Asplund and heard fantastic things about Cadence.  She was told that Mrs. Asplund does not have a single concern about Cadence and that she is the model student.  She sets a good example, learns things very quickly, shares well, and is socially astute.  She said that she tells the other teachers that the "baby" in her class is her model student (Cadence is the second youngest).  That was great to hear.  Since Cadence has been on a soccer team it is obvious what a huge difference the age of the kids makes on the field. Cadence is the youngest and smallest out there most of the time, and doesn't quite get the competitive dynamics that exist on the field.  She also can't run as fast or last as long out there yet.  Some of the kids out there are 20% older than she is!  Seeing what a big difference that made had me a bit nervous for the classroom, but apparently it is not slowing her down a bit.  What a terrific kid!  As we keep her "know it all" attitude and aesthetic competitiveness in check, it really seems like that kid can do anything.