When I was a senior in high school I worked in a little cubicle and as luck would have it, shared my small office space with the one boy voted by my friends and I as the cutest of all the boys in school. After time, our relationship would progress to be one of dear friends, but in this story, we're not there yet. I'm just a nerdy file-manager who is desperately trying to get the attention of the cute internet-guy that sits a few feet away from me and who has nobody else to pay attention to.
In my desperation to converse with internet-guy, I one day did something totally thoughtless. I gossiped about one of my very closest friends and how her "friendship" with one of internet-guy's closest friends seemed to be secretly romantic (which it turns out it wasn't, and I knew as much. Again, just for the sake of having something to talk about). It was a dumb-girl thing to do and while I didn't say anything mean about my friend, it certainly wasn't a loyal act.
Naturally, it got back to my long-time very close friend, who was not happy.
Laura's family took me with them to St. George a couple of times. I can't tell you the silliness that abounded. If you could see this picture close-up, you would be amazed that somebody as beautiful as Laura would hang out with that british-chap-lookin-thing. Surprise! Of course she wasn't. After a long talk with her trying to understand why I would do something like that and me not being able to figure it out, I went home and wondered about myself. When did I become a jerk?
I'd always thought of myself as a nice person. I thought I was loyal and a good friend. I wasn't especially nice-on-the-eyes, I wasn't talented or athletic, so these traits of loyalty and kindness were all I was riding on. So I felt lost.
I prayed, I read the scriptures, and then I did what I do best: I made a list. A list to help me get my balance back. I keep this list in my scriptures and when those times in my life come and I feel all out of balance and off-kilter (what is kilter, anyway?), I read it again, and pick a few things to work on.
I'm sharing this for my kids. And so that if the original gets lost, I won't turn into a total jerk. And maybe for transparency. Now you know what goes on in my head. What my weaknesses are. But that I'm trying. Always.
10 years later, I still need to work on all of these things all the time.
Here's the list, appropriately titled,
HOW TO QUIT BEING A JERK:
Prayer
Scripture Study
Tell everyone in family "I love you"
Think one nice thing about everyone I talk to (at least one)
Think of two nice things about everyone I think something negative about
Completely quit worrying about what other people think--don't even make it an issue
Don't stop worrying about what other people feel
Don't be selfish
Be grateful
Be strong, devoted, dedicated (personal admonition given to me)
Be responisble and sensible
Be patient and willing to listen
Don't talk so much
Eat right and drink lots of water
Be positive
Be yourself
Be a light (not a poster) (This is to say, bring warmth and guidance but not be blaring advertisement for righteousness)
Be humble
Be faithful
Serve Serve Serve (find a way to serve someone every day)
Stop gossiping
What would you add to the list?
10 comments:
I can't think of anything to add, that's a great list. I especially like the one 'don't stop thinking about how people feel.' Thanks for sharing.
I have one to add! Be friends with Mardee so you can see her live her list!
This is a very thoughtful list and definitely worth printing. Thanks!
Did Tyler tell you to post this? Either way, thank you. I needed to hear this from you today. I just have one more thing to add-- Don't live 1,550 miles from me.
That's a good list. I especially like the one that says to be a light, not a poster. I've never heard that analogy and I like it.
P.S. You're never a jerk. Or a British chap.
I like your list. Esp "stop worrying about what others think but not how others feel". Very wise. I feel like I have been off "kilter" lately ... I think I need a list too.
What helps me a lot is to remember that my mistakes show that I'm human and that I'm in need of the Atonement. I can't do it alone!
You read my mind! Maybe it's a February thing or something, but I have been feeling like the world's biggest jerk lately, and wondering how I got to this point. I have even wished I knew how to get back on ol' kilter, and hoped someone would just tell me what to do. Enter: you. Thank you for this list! Now I can begin the hard journey back to (if I ever was) nice.
(I have seriously been contemplating where to begin. The only thing I came up with so far - before reading your list- is to not say my thoughts outloud. I can't yet stop the critical/mean/bratty thoughts, but I CAN control what I say - or try really hard to, anyway)
Mardee, this post cracked me up! You're so funny. Did you watch your older sister and take notes of everything she did and decide to do the opposite? (don't answer that). anyway, thanks for the much needed list. I'm sorry for being a jerk of a sister to you. I sure love you and am so thankful for your example to me.
I would add something to the list:
Laugh at something, laugh at everything. In a good way.
My favorite is 'drink water'. That's about the only thing I do consistently on that list. We miss you guys!
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